A Sight For Sore Eyes
The Lighter Side to Facing Vision Loss
For any new readers who may have chanced upon this blog, I suffer from Retinitis Pigmentosa, an incurable vision disease that leads to blindness. I’ve always tried to focus on the positive, or more humorous, aspects of my life. And this post stems from that outlook.
This is an update of a post I wrote a year ago. And it was such a fun one that I thought I’d re-post it. My family always gets together and watches the different awards shows. So this is my take on the most recent one…
“…And the winner is…”
That’s what we’ll hear at the Golden Globe Awards on Sunday.
My family tunes in to see ‘em. Even if they do it sleep-watching, it’s gotta be done.
I say, “Move on over!” I have my own performances vying for attention right at home.
And they are… drum roll please…
“Top 5 Things I Bump into at Home”
(in Reverse order, of course!)
#5. The Open Cupboard Clobber
The kitchen cupboard wallops me with a powerhouse sidecut to my exposed forehead in the midst of daring cooking escapades. When I least suspect it, that’s when I turn around and slam into the forgotten Bare. White. Door. Unexpectedly. Ajar. For a double whammy, this may come before or after the occasional collision with the ajar microwave door mounted at cupboard height. Dinner that night is served with a visiting unicorn and an ice pack.
#4. The Basement Wooden Clothes Chute Block
An immovable fixture hanging down in the smoky light like an upright rectangular blockade, it obstructs my path coming from the freezer in the far corner to the stairs leading to safety. Anything short of two arms blocking my face in a defensive posture will get me forehead denting, body bruising, face knocking, teeth jarring and chest bouncing. If I were properly outfitted to step into the fighting ring and punch it with gloves…and if only it were not made from … wood, I’d come out a prize fighting winner!
#3 The Jarring Wall Stop Whack
Ready for me at any moment, the wall stops me FAST. Any step in the wrong direction and it imprints its flat edge on me. I bounce away, shocked and howling, at its very presence. You wouldn’t think that when bumping into a seemingly harmless wall, it would give such a slap, then look on with a blank stare mocking my cut lip or leaving me with a bungled nose job. Deceptive…
#2. The Open Dishwasher Shin Trip
Beware of this first rate shin-bruising machine in operation even when unplugged. The daily lurching over the bottom ledge of the plate holder causes bruising on top of bruising. Even while one bruise is healing, another is forming. Best recycling black and blue contraption ever invented. A phone call is necessary to warn me in advance of the Open Dishwasher Shin Trip and even then I forget. Yes, I sometimes indulge in name-calling at this steam-letting mortal enemy of mine as I hop around on one foot, letting off my own steam.
And this takes us to my #1 winner….
…#1.Buddy, the Low-Body Pitch!
Unlike any of the other obstacles, Buddy is a living, breathing creature that lies at my feet. His tail wags at the sound of my voice. His head turns at my slightest movement. The problem is he LIES so low that when I stand up, I pitch forward over his outstretched limbs into a trashcan, (filing case, end table, paper shredder, you fill in the blanks…) Whatever I land on flies across the room. Once I missed a step and sprawled over Buddy’s slow-moving body. A tangle of arms and paws, we both stumbled down the last couple of stairs! But Buddy stands out heads above the rest because he sees himself not as the source of “tailspins” but rather as my protector. When I lurch forward, he immediately runs to my side and tries to lick off any hurt or pain I feel.
I might fall over Buddy, but I also fall for him, my heart tripping as much as my body.
“Speech, Buddy! SPEECH!”
He keeps it simple: two barks.
Then stands at attention, waiting expectantly to receive his award.
A large biscuit.
Thunderous applause fills my apartment. Buddy himself joins in with tail-thumping.
After promptly disposing of his award, Buddy stretches out in front of me. With his face on the floor and one eye on me, he smiles contentedly, his tongue lolling. He lifts up his head and moons over at me in complete adoration.
I pronounce us both winners.
You’re reading “Top 5 Things I Bump Into at Home” © Amy Bovaird January 2014. If you enjoyed this selection, hit Share or Leave a comment.
I am sure you don’t have to be vision-impaired to bump into things. What is the #1 object you bump into? What is the strangest thing you’ve ever bumped into?
If you like this post, be sure to LIKE and SHARE it! I look forward to your comments so that I don’t feel so alone in my obstacle (collision!) course!