Jesus the Other Sun
Guiding me along the lighted path…
SWEET GIFT OF MOTHERHOOD
Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for He who promises us is faithful.–Hebrews 10:23, NIV
Doctors and nurses formed a semi-circle around my bed. The consultant took my hand and said, “I’m sorry. Your baby died yesterday. She lived for eight days. “
I bit back the tears until after they filed out of the room. Then I put my head under the covers and sobbed. I wished my husband were here to help me bear the pain.
My beautiful baby Noor had died. I never even got to hold her!
The consultant had warned me. “She’s ten weeks premature and has only 25% chance of survival.” I’d nodded and understood intellectually. But, emotionally, her death came as a crushing blow five weeks into my crisis-filled hospital stay.
Motherhood had been for other women–until age 38 when I found myself pregnant with twins. I wanted to fill my life with these two precious beating hearts–longing for daughters. I’d felt the first kick the night before my 20th week doctor’s appointment. A baby is moving! Lord, which one?
The next day at the appointment I learned one baby had died. Shortly after, I found myself and my remaining twin fighting for our own lives. That ended with Noor’s death and a long recovery period for me.
As I prayed about my losses over time, God clearly showed me how He had answered my prayers. I remembered my joy in carrying them, the fun I had wearing maternity clothes and my excitement when that first kick came. I remembered my exhilaration every time the nurses let me listen to my baby’s heartbeat in the hospital. I had experienced motherhood with my twins. God had been faithful. My grief turned into a celebration of their short lives.
Prayer: God show me Your perspective on whatever I go through, especially when it doesn’t come in the package I expect and help me to take the best away from th e experience.
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