A Sight For Sore Eyes
The Lighter Side to Facing Vision Loss
I DIDN’T SEE THE FLOOD
You know the Mounds Almond Joy commercial with the jingle, “Sometimes you feel like a nut. Sometimes you don’t?”
Most of the time, I feel like a nut–not an almond, or a Brazil nut, but a nutty person! And it’s all because of my unpredictable poor vision, which keeps me (and oftentimes, those around me) laughing.
Having low vision, I get myself into strange predicaments either because I only see part of what is happening or I don’t see it at all. To make it worse, of course, I don’t know what I’m not seeing.
Like the time I caused a flood of monumental proportions around mealtime as a guest at a church gathering.
In line for the potluck meal, a friendly woman struck up a conversation with me. We loaded up our plates and sat down. “There’s a table with drinks over there. Can I help you get something?” my companion offered, noting my cane.
“No, I’ll be fine.”
A little while later, I became thirsty. The thought of a glass of sweet iced tea seemed to fit the bill so I made my way over to the refreshment table. There, I picked up the only cup, a Styrofoam one, and placed it under the nozzle of the large ice tea container and flipped the lever forward.
Whoosh! The cup flew to the floor.
Uh-oh. I bent over to pick up the cup but forgot that the ice tea was still flowing out since I couldn’t actually see it. Suddenly, I heard it! So to hide what I thought was a little mistake, I thrust the cup under the spigot again to catch the iced tea.
A woman rushed over. “Dear, can’t you see…” The woman spied me standing awkwardly with my cane. “I mean, you can’t see it. But there’s a biiiiig hole in the bottom of your cup,” she said, drawing out the word ‘big,’ as only southerners can. “Don’t worry. Um, it’s…it’s… all right. ” the woman said, her voice sounding more than a bit panicked. The next moment, a cascade of sweet tea shot through the cup in my hand, sending it flying once more while the rest of the sweet tea gushed with the unchecked power of Niagara Falls over the edge of the table.
“The next moment, a cascade of sweet tea shot through the cup in my hand, sending it flying once more while the rest of the sweet tea gushed with the unchecked power of Niagara Falls over the edge of the table.”
“Turn it off, turn it off, ” shouted another woman.
Another called, “Get that cup!” Like it was a a runaway fugitive. Stop! Don’t let the baddie get away!
Soon, several blurry bodies sped over to organize a lined flood patrol, passing down paper towels. With dropped jaws, they spoke in hushed words of disbelief.
“It’s the strangest thing….”
“I’ve never seen anything like it!”
“…a hole in the cup.” At this point, several heads moved in to inspect the defective cup, now in custody.
I felt my face heat up several degrees as I slunk away from the small crowd. Then I sat down, and the humor hit me.
Thank God, I didn’t have to see this entire mess clearly!
I picked up a fork and took a bite of my pecan pie, determined to enjoy the rest of the meal.
I could hear the women, still in a state of heightened emotion, when they sat down around me once again.
Then one lady said, “Psssshhhhh,” and covered her mouth to hide the laughter. At first, I didn’t understand the sound she made and I thought she was hushing the women. Then from her laughter, I realized that she might, just might have been imitating the sound of the escaping sweet tea! Her droll throwback set off the other woman and pretty soon the other women got to laughing.
I felt like a celebrity when they started patting my back and saying “A hole in the cup!” again and again, letting their laughter flow.
Just like the iced tea.
***What kind of unanticipated awkward situation have you found yourself in that’s really been only partly your fault? Share it in the comments below. As usual, if you enjoyed this story, LIKE it and SHARE it on your social media page. You have just read “I Didn’t See the Flood” Copyright August 10, 2014 by Amy L. Bovaird.