Post Title: God Sends Reassuring Mother’s Day Dream
A Mother’s Day Loss
May 10, 1998 changed my life.
Although I lived in the United Arab Emirates, I do think many celebrated Mother’s Day then. I know the expatriate community did. Mother’s Day is celebrated in over 150 countries around the world. But that day, I lay in my hospital bed after delivering baby Noor eight days earlier amid complications. She was my second twin. At my 20-week check-up, I learned my first twin had died in utero.
A team of doctors and nurses who had dealt with me for nearly six weeks, formed a U-shape around my hospital bed. The head doctor had come in response to my question. “How is my baby? No one will tell me.”
“Your baby lived for eight days. She tried very hard. But she didn’t make it.”
Mother’s Day. But not for me. My baby died. “I never got to be a mother.”
I put my head under the covers and sobbed. Wearing earbuds, I listened to a CD by Andy Landis. One song stood out in my grief and it became my song. Listen to the beautiful words that became my plea in a foreign hospital bed that day. God Use Me. One day I might be strong enough to offer comfort to another mother navigating the road of grief and loss if I let myself be used.
That was the beginning of a long journey filled with grief—but also reassurances and even a few miracles!!
For example, on the first anniversary of the death of Noor, in my garden I found the two jasmine bushes I planted in memory of the twins had bloomed. Both of them. First buds. I cried with gratitude, recognizing God’s amazing love and desire to encourage me in such a beautiful way regarding my loss.
Deeper than Touch
It had always hurt me I could not hold my babies. With two dying in utero and the third one taken from me and buried in an unmarked grave in Dubai, I always had that unfulfilled longing to hold them. But I couldn’t. Early in my journey, God gave me a song with beautiful lyrics “our hearts beat together”—again, again by Andy Landis—called Love is Deeper than a Touch. You can listen to the song here. It reminded me of how much I loved hearing Baby Noor’s heartbeat. This song reminded me that God had a purpose and a plan with birthing baby Noor.
Some years I found small acts to be happy about. Other years, I found amazing messages of comfort from God. On the seventh Mother’s Day, 2005, I ended up walking along the Corniche, a road in our village in the Gulf that overlooked the sea. Road workers had been doing maintenance for days. I could hear beeping as the construction crew moved forward and backward transporting sand from one area to another. God spoke to my soul and reminded me of how my heart had been like that torn up road, and how I had transported grief and pain back and forth. But that year, God told me He had been reconstructing my heart to reinforce its basis, healing me. I learned the number 7 signified “completeness” or “perfection” in the Bible.
Even after returning to the States, God always found ways to surprise and bless me on Mother’s Day. To this day, every Mother’s Day I receive a card from my close friend who lived in the UAE and helped me bear the grief along with an even fresher one from a miscarriage I had a year or so after the traumatic loss of the twins. The card tells me she has not forgotten my grief we shared nearly 24 years ago.
My sister and nieces commemorated various Mother’s Days by giving me cards and single roses, always mentioning my babies in heaven.
Memorable Mother’s Days
2015 was my sister’s last Mother’s Day on earth. Our family made it so special for her. All the great nieces performed tricks outdoors for her. The sun shone—and my sister loved the sunshine—and all us girls including my mom took a family photograph—all smiles—together.
In 2017, I unexpectedly lost my mother to a massive stroke on May 4. That Mother’s Day catapulted me into another deep grief. But in church that year, my ninety-two-year-old mentor sat with me and held my hand. She let me cry as the other mothers stood up to be recognized. I couldn’t imagine how I would go on without my mother. My grief felt unbearable. I’m sure many of you can relate.
Mother’s Day 2022
By now I have come to expect God’s mercy on or around this day set aside for mothers. And He did not disappoint me. A few days before it rolled around, I had a short dream that I was holding the bottom shell of a brown farm egg. When I looked inside, I found a tiny perfect specimen of my baby Celestia, my first twin named after my mother.
This miniature baby was floating in the yolk. She looked so natural with perfect features Her eyes were indented but unformed and her tiny mouth open and relaxed, as if in mid-yawn. She had little nubs for ears. I tipped the shell back and forth in amazement as she floated in the yolk. I kept showing others how perfect she looked to me. After all these years, I couldn’t believe I could finally see her. At one point in my dream, I dropped the half-shell. But she stayed intact, floating inside, protected and preserved by God’s hand.
I woke up smiling and full of optimism, the gift of finally seeing the baby I had never glimpsed but loved so much when I carried her.
I found this dream to be a metaphor for how God has taken care of and protected me all these years during whatever challenge I have gone through. God has preserved my life, kept my faith strong, helped me bear the grief of many losses. He protects me when I physically fall due to my sight loss. I slide back and forth in the yolk of His love. I may be bruised but I’m always intact.
God has a plan a purpose for each of us. I think that moment on Mother’s Day 1998 God revealed His plan for my life. I was to use my gift in writing to share how God has preserved me as I meet the day-to-day challenges I’ve had to and will continue to face.
I have recently been praying for God to clearly reveal His plan for my life, to speak to my heart. Is my writing what He really desires of me? I believe this is His reassurance that it is. Even when I don’t sell any books. Even if I need a second job to support myself—of all places at a grocery store, which I struggled for years with in using my white cane. What a sense of humor God has! He brings me such unexpected joy!
I waited on God and He provided even a second job for me. With my sight and hearing loss, I’m not a perfect match. From certain areas, I even find myself lost in the store while looking for the cash registers! But God works out all the details. He always has.
It’s like I am that little baby with unformed eyes. I have to use my inner vision to see all God has done to protect and preserve me these many years. I probably miss a lot. But He graciously reveals the miracles I can’t always see at the moment.
Right now as I try to meet the caregiving necessary for my brother’s health needs, my eyes are dim and I can’t always see my way. I feel like I’m not only falling but falling short of my capabilities as I juggle work, meal preparation, and finances.
This dream reminds me that God has me contained in that strong harder outer shell and that no matter how much I am rocked or tilted, his love surrounding my physical and spiritual imperfections is there to cushion me. I wonder if my hard shell has been strengthened by the words and promises I’ve held onto from the Bible. I think so.
Let Me Encourage You
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You have just read “God Sends Reassuring Mother’s Day Dream” by Amy L. Bovaird. © May 12, 2022. All Rights Reserved.